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Writer's pictureHaruka

Ups and downs

Morning! You may hear more positive stories than sad stories. Partly because people are reluctant to speak out negative stories. However, I noticed that everyone has some worries or problems and it's not just me. I tell you about this because I was diagnosed as bipolar disorder one and a half year ago. Now I'm pretty settled, however, this past three years were not easy. For me, it seemed like this condition has started when I was 18. I was always energetic, however because I was not good at controlling emotions, so I struggled when this energy flowed to negative side. As I told you before, I experienced bulimia three times. I am not sure if bipolar caused bulimia or bulimia caused bipolar. To me it seems like bulimia caused bipolar. I followed strict diet and when it ruined, it went all wrong. I think I was pursuing perfectionism too much.


So, I used to gain 22lbs and lose them all continuously like every half year for three years. How you look affects how you perceive yourself. I always talked to myself "I look so ugly. I need to lose weight. Who am I?". I asked my friends if I look ok ALL THE TIME! After I went through counseling sessions read many books, I learnt to control emotions and now I'm here!


See you next time!


Haruka

Me at gym at my college in England.


Gym In Japan: https://gyminjapan.net

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